Blindness, dating, romance and how to attract blind people.

Through the years, I’ve had my fair share of questions about blind people in relation to dating and romance and so I’m going to write a post addressing some of the most common questions both me and a lot of my fellow blindies have received. I hope it solves a few mysteries for you sighted people out there.

A very common phrase people like to use if they don’t know me very well and we’re talking about who’s good looking and who isn’t is “I guess you’ll just have to go by personality.” Yes and no. Obviously when you’re blind, you’re gonna have to have a certain knowledge about people without seeing them, but you don’t necessarily get those from interacting so much with them. Hearing someone’s voice, observing what they are talking about or perhaps get an idea of their physique by holding an arm or shaking hands as well as their voice can be enough to know that you fancy them. Smell is also important.” I’m sorry Mr Fit body Soft voice, but you aint showered in ages, or you don’t use any interesting aftershave or cream to make you smell interesting.” So going away from personality, which obviously is important whether sighted or blind, physique, good smell and nice voice are things a blind person will go on to determine whether they like you or not.

I’ve also had sighted men ask how they can attract a blind woman. Blind women are the same as any women out there, so there’s no one answer to that question. But like sighted women, blind women appreciate a man making an effort with their looks. She may not be able to see your ketchup spotted t-shirt, mismatched trainers or that pen mark on your right thigh, but if she somehow gets to hear about it from a friend who happened to see you on a date, she won’t likely be impressed with you. So making the same effort as you would with a sighted woman is essential. Smell nice too. No need to use the entire bottle of Hugo Boss, but enough that she may want to come closer to smell you a little more?

As for women attracting blind men, the same rule goes with the looks. Ladies, if you’d use make-up dating a sighted person, do it for the blind man too. My experience with blind men is also that they like it when you wear something which shows off your shape a little. I may be generalizing, but seeing as we’ve had to rely on feel to get a good impression of things, feeling up places which perhaps should be avoided on the first few dates isn’t necessary to feel the shape of someone’s body and determine whether you’ll like it or not. A hug or holding an arm reveals more than you may think. We pay more attention, without actually paying attention to the fact that we pay attention.

Another experience I have with blind men, is that if he is a normal functioning and independent man with good social circle and job, do not mother him to any larger extent than you would mother a sighted man  We women tend to mother men a little too much sometimes, and I know my blind male friends claim sighted women can be a little to over the top.

I have also heard, and I can very well believe this, if a blind man’s sighted friends say that his girlfriend is ugly the blindy well may break up with you. I don’t know if the same goes for women, but I have never broken up with anyone because of the way they look and neither have I believed, have my blind girlfriends.

So in short, if you are trying to attract a blind person, or just want to know the answers to those questions, the answer is, do exactly what you would do if the object of your fancy could see. Not just in terms of behaviour, but also in taking care of your look. It’s got to do with respect more than anything.

Finally, if a person is blind, what’s better. Blind or sighted partner?

Being with someone sighted is a hell of a lot more practical than being with someone who is blind or even at times partially sighted. However, aside from the practicality of sight, being with a sight impaired person has some advantages too. Flirting with a blind man for me at least, is a whole different thing to flirting with someone sighted. A blind/partially sighted man knows what it means to be visually impaired and understand me on my terms in ways the majority of sighted people wouldn’t do unless they knew lots of VI people or have it naturally within them to understand those things, but the latter is rare. I for example, don’t automatically understand what being deaf must be like, because I don’t know a lot of deaf people, so I find myself asking similar questions to what a sighted person would ask me and in flirting situations, that can be a bit of a turn off at times.

I find it hard to be with sighted men because I personally haven’t met a sighted man who would allow me to go about my daily life and business in the way my blind boyfriends or exes have done. They never feel funny about me preparing their dinner for example, whilst the sighted dates I’ve had made sure I never lifted a finger when they were around.

There is a reason a lot of VI people end up together and I believe that a big part of that reason has to do with common ground, understanding and acceptance. Having said that, couples in which one is sighted and one blind or partially sighted do exist, though unfortunately they tend to be in the minority and it tends to be sighted women with blind or partially sighted men.

But really, there is no better or worse. If you find the person who loves you and is ready to take you on your terms and let you be who you are, visual acuity doesn’t matter at all.

Blind, partial or sighted, your comments would be appreciated on this.

Update: Since I wrote this post, I have been very fortunate to find love myself. I have shared
My own romance story
here.

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About Linn

I'm a journalist and writer with a great passion for singing and performing as well as learning languages. Through my writing, I am hoping to educate the world about blindness as I myself am born blind, document my journey from Evangelical Christianity to a more free thinking world view and touch on other important, current issues.
This entry was posted in Blindness, Love and relationships, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to Blindness, dating, romance and how to attract blind people.

  1. Sasha says:

    I like a blind guy very much and want to tell him about my feeling but I am scared he will run away,as I have heard that blind people don’t trust easily.
    Its been almost five years that I am after this guy, trying to attract him indirectly, trying to get his attention and its just recently that I asked him out via facebook! And after pursuing my text message for two days I got a reply and we decided to meet. I was over the moon but very nervous too, though I am sighted and he is blind!!!
    We met in a restaurant, I did some blunders as he was asking me questions and in my nervousness I was just answering and did not bother to ask him more questions, I forgot to ask him and read out the menu for him and we just ordered drinks and then after an hour he excused himself as had to go with a friend.
    After going home I text him a message that I enjoyed his company and would like to meet again. He did not reply the whole night but in the morning and that was without any mention of how he feel, just wished me good luck for the coming week.
    I want to be intouch with him and I sent him another text message on his phone but no reply even after few days. My friends who are all sighted asked me to forget him as its no use running after him when he is not showing any interest in meeting or replying to my text. But I say that as he is blind so I should not treat him as sighted date in terms of his reactions and replies as he dont know me or have any idea about my love as I have not said or mentioned anything to him when meeting.
    I am writing all this to ask for advise fro any blind/VI guy or girl who can guide me what should I do, pursue him or leave him?
    Will be eagerly waiting for replies
    Thanks
    Sasha

    • Linn says:

      Hi Sasha,

      Whoever told you that blind people don’t trust easily can’t know any blind people, because if he or she did, he/she would know that blind people trust and distrust like sighted people.

      There really is no difference between a blind and a sighted date. Usually if a guy doesn’t reply to your text, it unfortunately tend to mean that he’s not interested. Sight isn’t at all necessary in order to realise that someone is attracted to you. I remember a Valentine’s date some six years back and it was clear that the guy was attracted to me. I was not attracted to him and I am totally blind, but there was no doubt in my mind though he didn’t say a word about it. It’s hard to explain how we notice, because there are many little things you can pick up on such as voice, what they say, how they say it etc.

      You really need to forget his blindness in your persuit and concentrate on the fact that he’s a guy and that you like him. The signs are not looking good in that he didn’t reply to your last text and also, the fact that he didn’t ask you to read the menu which I, and most others would have done, could also mean he wasn’t planning on staying on.

      I hope I’m not being to horrible to you. But if you really would like this guy to know how you feel, tell him. It’s hard to get guys sometimes and they sometimes don’t get what’s blatently obvious, so if you spill it out to him, you’ll either get a rejection which you will get over, or he may want to go for another date. Either way, if he ignores you, it’s time to move on.

      Good luck, and remember to forget his blindness.

    • steffon Middleton says:

      I will start by saying that I am relieved to know that all women are not so shallow. A blind man has the same aspirations about finding a nice woman as much as an other guy. Where things get a little fuzzy is that most women would not consider such a thing. As a blind 22 year old man, I will admit that some blind men have it in their minds that a sighted woman would not be interested in them. With all of the stereotypes associated with men and what it means to be a man, it is quite natural for a blind man to feel out matched by the majority. Not every blind man thinks this way, but it is the same with all of humanity. Women don’t feel as if they are attractive because they don’t have a large butt like some of these movie stars and men don’t feel as if–please excuse me for sounding crude–the are not man enough just because the don’t have a large member. I don’t mean to ramble, but a blind man can not see your face and will not be able to deduce by your expression if you are interested or not. A woman talks more with her body than her moth, which can be problematic for a man who can not read your body language. If you ever cross your gentleman friend again, you should tell him how you feel. Who knows, he might feel the same but was too shy to tell you.

      • Linn says:

        Thanks for your valuable contribution to this Steffon. I understand exactly where you are coming from on all accounts. Blind men make just as fine boyfriends as do sighted men. And I am glad I have had so many ladies write in to tell me about their fine blind men.
        Linn

  2. Sasha says:

    Hi Linn
    So kind of you to reply so quickly.
    Well I think it was more of my fault than his. I tell you from the beginning. from this time I asked him out.
    I send him a text on facebook and invited him out for coffee. No reply. Then later I posted the same message on his wall thinking maybe he has not noticed or check his private message. No reply,though he replied to other people on facebook. As a last try and my friends also said if he does not reply this time than forget him, delete him from you facebook and get over him. So oneday when he was online on facebook I started the chat with him. It started off very friendly and he invited me out for dinner next day in a nice resturant.In my stupidity and being casual I told him that its a bit formal resturant and the time he mentioned I said its late and that we meet a bit early and that I am very informal person blah,blah and asked him if we go to the resturant next door to the one he suggested and he said nothing except that he’ll try if he can m ake it early. Anyway due to his work we had to postpone that day and decided on another day at 3pm instead of 7pm. He texted me on my phone that he is running late(,means he cares) and that what if we meet in the resturant he suggested.I thought that if he suggested the previous resturant then it might be his comfort zone so instead I said that we meet where he wanted to meet earlier and not at my suggested resturant. When he reached,he hugged me, and then asked to buy me drink( good sign) and as it was quite busy and noisy he asked me if we can move to the resturant I suggested as it is more homely and quiet. So we went there and when seated and waiter came I ordered tea for my self and he ordered coffee. Now before going to meet him I searched sites that how to help the blind people etc and it was mentioned that when with them at resturant one has to read menu when ordering( I totally forgot this in my nervousness ). Then he was asking me questions and I was answering but my participation was quite minimum, and I think I gave him impression as if I am not interested( thats my idea) though I am actually very much head over heels with this guy. Then we has our drinks as we met just for drinks and then he got calls from his friends and colleagues and he said he has to go as his friend will be coming to pick him up. I said ok, but instead of staying with him and waiting for his frind to pick him up, when he suggested that its ok if I leave, I just left him there. I think I should have waited with him for his friend no matter what he was saying so that his friend at least would have met me and left with some good impression and would have discussed with him. But no,I did nothing of this sort, I think I left bad impression on him, and now I want to do something so that I make him know the real me not the nervous person he met. In the past few days I contacted him twice on facebook, thinking he has not seen the messages, no reply,so am assuming maybe he has not checked them,or noticed them as he appears to be on facebook mobile. And I texted him that when he is back from another city we should go out again for coffee or walk and I try to be a better guide,but till now I have not received any reply.
    Please tell me what is the best strategy to do, as I think this guy has no clue why I wanted to go out with him as I never showed my likeness for him openly except inviting him out, and this I did everytime. Now my friends say that I wait and see if he reply to my earleir texts and that despite he is blind he knows that I am texting him so if he want he can reply. And that I should not humiliate myself any further by chasing him via text messages or trying to contact him to meet as this would be like stalking!!!
    I am waiting anxiously for your reply as think you are the right person to guide me.
    Thanks
    Sasha

  3. Sasha says:

    please reply!

    • Linn says:

      You can try sending him one more text saying that you’d really like to see him again and suggest a place you like to go for a drink or meal. Say that you didn’t feel so well that other day and would like to know more about him because you didn’t get the chance last time. He will hee everything you write him through mobile facebook, but he may not be on FB that often, so text instead. If he doesn’t reply this time, lieave t.

      As for not reading the menu, he sounds assertive enough to have asked for it himself, so it may be that he already knew what the menu was. And if he meets you again, you can alwasys waitwith him afterwards if he has a friend coming along so they get a look at you.

      Hope it helps.

      Good luck.

  4. Sasha says:

    Hi Linn
    Thanks for your reply.
    I am going to try this, actually I sent him a text yesterday but not detailed just asked him if he is free for coffee today, and no reply yet, but as I know he is travelling from monday so I give him benefit of doubt that he might be busy with packing etc.
    Anyway I thought to send him a detailed email, explaining my motive behind all this chase and contacting him and to come open with my likeness for him. I am going to ask him if he want to meet to see if we can develop mutual likeness and enter a relationship,and will tell him of my waiting and chasing his steps for five years. But I think I ask him to come to any decision or clear answer as I think its no good for me to continue this one sided no matter how much I love him, I also have a right to be happy,though if he say so it will break my heart but then good to be over it soon then hanging by thread in the coming year.
    What do you think,is it the right way to do?
    Please advise.
    Thanks
    Sasha

  5. Sasha says:

    I did it!!, sent him an email, explaining everything,even asked about his answer, yes or no.I feel much better now after telling him all.
    thanks for help and advise.
    Lets see whats next.

  6. Paul says:

    Really interesting post Linn. I didn’t know my now partner of 7 years was partially sighted until after I was in the relationship as we met online. By the time we met in person several weeks after getting to know each other online and chatting over the telephone (long story), it wasn’t an issue. But then I had shaved several years off my age in my profile on the dating site so neither of us had been totally open to begin with.

    To be honest dating is the easy part, once you start living as a couple there are all kinds of challenges, not that they’re all bad e.g. you HAVE to get the biggest telly, not because you want to but because it means the menys on Sky are easier to read etc.

    • Linn says:

      Hi Paul,

      You’re right in that dating certainly is the easy part. I haven’t yet had the pleasure of living with a second half, but I am not too worried about how he, whoever it will be, will find it a chore to live iwith me In a sense we all need to adapt to each other. He , if he is sighted, ill be the one driving the kids, always making sure he puts things in their right place so I can find them etc. But then again, he might have things I need to adapt to.

      I have never used online dating either, but that’s because I’m odl-fashioned! ::) But I would find it extremely hard to tell a date I am blind. My problem is that I think everyone has prejudices. I am glad to hear though that you and your partner are working out.

  7. Tiffany says:

    I really love your article and I thank you for the info. My question is I like this man he is also blind and that is not an issue just to be clear.I haven’t told him how I feel and I’m not sure if he can tell by just the way I talk to him or when we shake hands. I have like him ever since we met. Is there anyway he would have naturally picked up on it?..Many tell me he could know from just a handshake.All info and help is greatly appreciated.

    • Linn says:

      Hi Tiffany,

      I very much doubt that he’d pick up on you liking him by a handshake. Unless he is a genious :) But it may be that he has picked up on it either by how you talk, or the things you talk about. It’s so hard to tell these things, but if you would like to be a little clearer about how you feel without telling him, you could do little things like give him compliments, or be a little touchy feely in a discrete way.

      I hope it goes well for you and thanks for liking the article.

  8. Julie says:

    I happen to enjoy the experience of dating a vi man (depending of course on their personality, tone of voice, etc….. And I am sighted. I love dressing up for him, being clean looking and smelling nice, and of course the touches that go on.

  9. Michelle says:

    I am someone who is recently visually impaired and have been married for many years, I am now partially sighted and likely will reamin so for the rest of my life. I have spent the past few years meeting many visually impaired people and learning that my life can continue just as did before I started losing my sight. I have made some friends who are also transitioning to being visually impaired and many of them struggle with wondering if they should try to meet someone else who is visually impaired or date someone sighted. It is difficult to know which is best. Being with someone sighted has the advantage that they can do things visually that you no longer can. But as you mention in the article, they don’t understand all the issues you face on a daily basis. It is not an issue that I considered before I became partially sighted, but I can see that it is a big issue.

    Michelle

  10. Nolan says:

    Hi, coming from a blind guy I like this article very much and it explains a lot that I was never able to satisfactorily describe to sighted people. You did a great job, thank you I’ve looked at a lot of dating sites but none have given me as much information as I would like about the person or maybe it’s just me myself thinking that I would need more than the description to know if I would like someone. I haven’t met any visually impaired person that I am attracted to yet, so I think I should just throw myself out there I also think it would be nice to be with a sighted person

  11. Kemarie Lara says:

    Nolan
    I agree with you is a great article. I study psychology and I am very curious, so an article that help me see somebody’s prospective other then my own get an A+ in my book. Nolan I heard this one time and I like it maybe u like it too. “Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking, Loving might be a mistake but it’s worth making.” By Leanne Womack.

  12. Teenie Abdul says:

    I met David online & have been chatting with him on video calls almost everyday since a yr ago. I didnt know that he was partially blind at first cos he didnt tell me & he seemed like a normal person leading his normal life. He does his laundry, cooks, walks to the train station, make his bed etc while on video call with me. Im in Singapore & hes in London. He told that he was partially blind when he started to have feelings for and told me to stop dating other guys. (I was still going out on dates at that time). He thought that i would say no & leave. But i didnt. There is something in him which got me attracted to him as well. So I or we rather… decided that we should work things out n be in a relationship. He made a surprise trip to Singapore to come see me in person last October. I was totally caught off-guard & was very nervous but excited at the same time!!! ( no one has ever made his way… 10,000 miles to come see me Personally) So he came & i had the best time of my life!! Alrhough he is partially blind, his other eye is not that great either… So its almost like hes blind. Guiding him while walking together, opening glass doirs for him, teach him how to tap on the card for his bus n train rides is a whole new experience for me!! I didnt feel that it was a burden nor it was a chore to me. David is the most positive individual i hv ever met. Loves to encourage me n tell me to focus on my talents n etc. i couldnt be happier.
    My parents on the other hand is totally against me being with a blind man and plus he’s a Christian. I am a Muslim. So its me against the world. I love David. And my heart is set for him. There is not a pity i hv for him because he is very indipendent & a charming sexy man!
    I talk to Dave almost everyday (sometimes bad connections on certain days where we would not chat) I am a divorcee & I hv a 4 yr old son. He gets along very well with my som as well. Being out from a nasty marriage has made me realise that I’d rather go with a blind man for his heart is not blind. My heart beats his name cos I think fate hv brought us together. He is a definition of LOVE & I always pray for our forever. xoxo
    Teenie

  13. Eileen says:

    I am currently with a blind man who had sight until 16 then lost it. It’s an adjustment. I find myself putting away his laundry when he can do it. I think I mother him as this writer mentioned. I’m also very protective of him. I hate when people speak badly of him. He’s so sweet. He’s very independent and sometimes I forget he can’t see. I wish everyday he could one day see me and how happy I am in his presence. His optic nerve is severed so its highly unlikely.

  14. Fianc瞠visa says:

    What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable experience about unpredicted feelings.

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    • Linn says:

      Thanks for commenting.
      I wasn’t aware that the layout wasn’t that visually good. I will have to see what I can do about it.

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  22. Gina says:

    I am in love with a blind man, who is my soul mate. We think the same way, we like the same things, we are both musicians, He told me I was pretty, my voice was beautiful, we went on a date once as we met through the internet. Ever since that date, he is avoiding to see me although he calls me several times a week for several hours, and, if I don’t get in touch for a few days, I can feel the anxiety in his voice to hear mine. I love him with all my heart and soul but he is so evasive. I told him I loved him via email and he didn’t reply but kept on calling me for hours and hours. Last time he was using we are, we think, a lot and I joked and said: are you queen Victoria? He said, no, I was using we as we are so alike. I am dying of insecurity and doubt and I think the main reason why things don’t take off is because I am much older. Just opening my heart. It is heavy to carry!

    • Linn says:

      Hi Gina,
      I am so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to publish this comment, but I’ve been having some problems with my comments feature recently and honestly thought it was up.
      Anyways. I do hope your situation with this man has resolved itself. If it’s carrying on like it was and you are not sure of him, I suggest being straight with him and tell him you are confused is the best way to go about it.
      Best of luck
      Linn

  23. Eddie says:

    Hi there I recently was diagnose with retinitis pigmentosa because of that I had to give up my licence and my car . Im not totally blind but have to use a cane my vision is tunnel like have no perepavision (did I spell that?) Anyway im very independent clean handsome however this blindness is new to me my world had change I would love to meet a woman with similar interest I have joined date sites but I fear ill never have a chance once they discover im blind how can I find somebody that will accept me. I am popular on the dating sites with many women interested in my profile however I didn’t mention my low vision so who am I kidding how do I resolve my situation?

    • Linn says:

      Hi,
      well, I am no relationship expert, but I think you just need to be yourself. Be open about your visual impairment when you feel it is appropriate. Perhaps when the woman get to know you and like you for who you are, she won’t care. She shouldn’t care. I am sure you will find someone and I’m not saying it to be nice. I myself managed to find a sighted partner offline and I thought it would never happen to me. Honestly.
      So good luck dating!
      Linn

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  25. Richi says:

    Hi – I am a legally blind guy -and for some reason feel this need to sleep with several other women before committing to my present girlfriend who is cited and beautiful. This feeling makes me often unhappy as I am constantly conflicted between my desire to become a sex god and at the same time do not wish to lose my awesome girlfriend. Any words of advice – especially from women???

    • Linn says:

      Hi Richi,
      My advise to you is become a sex god with your awesome, beutiful and sighted girlfriend. Otherwise, leave her before you hurt her by being unfaithful.
      Linn

  26. Another experience I have with blind men, is that if he is a normal functioning and independent man with good social circle and job, do not mother him to any larger extent than you would mother a sighted man  We women tend to mother men a little too much sometimes, and I know my blind male friends claim sighted women can be a little to over the top.

  27. Hi, Lynn,
    As you’re probably aware, conventional methods of attracting a person’s notice and expressing interest are heavily dependent on sight based cues to determine whether or not it is permissible to approach for a conversation. Being a sighted guy, I have no idea how to reach that point of initial conversation when a woman I am interested in happens to be blind. Forgive my cluelessness, but this is new territory for me, so I want to be sure that I don’t make any mistakes out of ignorance. Thanks for reading!

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